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Error Coded 1st Draft

Submission Deadline
Writer´s Name
The total number of words (Not including the topic and writer´s name) 235 words
Time for Brainstorming About 40 minutes
Time for Writing 1 hour

Difficulties(in English)

I cannot understand the topic well. It´s not clear, and I don´t know what I have to write.

Response: This is a difficult topic if you have limited experience of travel. I understand your problem. However, brainstorming, imagination and talking about the topic with friends can help.

Topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? When people are traveling, they often behave differently from the way they behave at home. Use specific details and examples to support our answer.

(Different Behaviors in Travel)

In my opinion, people behave differently when they are traveling. They experience different environment (PS), situations, and feelings. Behaving differently in different surroundings is __(ART) natural thing.

Travelers experience different environment(P/S), situations, culture, language and people.(=)They find new things. The new things can stimulate travelers´´ curiosity.(=)So some travelers may become anxious to know new things. They can be very __(W.MIS)to understand __(ART)new culture and environment when they are traveling.

On the other hand, they are stranger(P/S) in __(ART)places where they are traveling, so they can be very upset and talk very little. Most of(RED) people become shy and afraid about(WW) new culture(P/S) and places.(=) So, their range of behavior(S/P) will become narrow. They tend to wander traveling places (WW) altogether (WW), and quiet (GR).

Moreover, you can behave differently to acceptable reaction (?). This applies to traveling especially(GR) abroad. For example, you did like (VT/GR) eating dog meats(S/P) for your health every summer. However, when you went to France to travel, you can have acceptable reaction quickly (?).(=) It means you can understand and accept French people´´s thoughts easily. French people think eating dog meats (S/P) is ___(ART) very savage and terrible culture (WW). So, you can have different opinion (S/P) and behaviors (WW)when you are traveling.

Therefore, I think we have different behaviors (SS/GR) in travel like (RED)situations and __(ART)examples which I suggested (WW)above. In my opinion, either (WW)your behaviors are changed or not changed (SS/GR), it´´s important to observe good manners when you are traveling.
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Proofread 2nd Draft with Assessment

Submission Deadline
Writer´s Name
The total number of words (Not including the topic and writer´s name) 235 words
Time for Brainstorming About 40 minutes
Time for Writing 1 hour

Difficulties(in English)

I cannot understand the topic well. It´s not clear, and I don´t know what I have to write.
Topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? When people are traveling, they often behave differently from the way they behave at home. Use specific details and examples to support our answer.

(Different Behaviors in Travel)

In my opinion, people behave differently when they are traveling. They experience different environments, situations, and feelings. Behaving differently in different surroundings is a natural thing.

When travelers experience different environments, situations, culture, language and people, they find new things. The new things can stimulate travelers´´ curiosity, so some travelers may become anxious to know new things. They can be very keen to understand the new culture and environment when they are traveling.

On the other hand, they are strangers in places where they are traveling, so they can be very upset and talk very little. Most people become shy and afraid when they are in new cultures and places, so their range of behaviors will become narrow. They tend to wander their destinations together, quietly.

Moreover, sometimes it is appropriate to behave differefntly. This applies especially to traveling abroad. For example, if you liked eating dog meat for your health every summer, and you went to France to travel, it would be important to understand that French people think eating dog meat is a very savage and terrible habit. You need to adapt your behavior, and understand and accept French people´s thoughts. So, you can have different opinions and habits when you are traveling.

Therefore, I think we behave differently in travel situations, as in the examples I outlined above. In my opinion, whether your behavior changes or not, it´s important to observe good manners when you are traveling.
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Teacher´s Feedback

Extending Feedback (optional)

Try to find synonyms instead of using the same word repeatedly, this will really improve your style and impression on the reader. For example, behavior? you can sometimes substitute with habit custom or manner.

Macro Skills Feedback

Generally, this is a well-structured piece of writing, using paragraphs effectively and with a clear conclusion. To improve you could include more clues in your introduction about what your main points will be. You have used appropriate topic sentences in your main content paragraphs? Well done. In the 4th paragraph (content paragraph 3) you have given very clear examples and supporting details. Paragraphs 2 and 3 (content paragraphs 1 and 2) are more general and would benefit from clearer or more specific example.

Content Organization
3.5 4
Voice Word Choice
3 2
Sentence Fluency Conventions
2 4
Average: 3.08
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